My passion is talking about SHAME. Sounds a little strange, I know, but I am a full-on, bonafide, believer that if you can heal your shame, you can often heal whatever it is that made you consider seeking out a therapist.
Here are some things I often hear on our first contact:
"I am looking for help with my near-constant anxiety"
"I don't trust people and because of that I don't have many friends. "
"I wish I could stand up for myself better."
"I'm always helping everyone else, no one ever helps me."
"I can see the good in others but its hard to find something I like about me."
"I always give in, I feel like I don't have any boundaries."
"Few people ever get to know the real me."
to my counseling practice!
If this sounds like you, then you're in the right spot! And I think I can make the case to you, that all of those above scenarios, connect back to shame.
So what is SHAME?
Shame distilled down to its simplest definition is the belief that I am bad. That who I am right now in this moment in time, is not good enough, needs to be changed, and has to strive towards something that is not who I currently am. We learn it in childhood when our brains are not fully formed and we do not know that we need to unlearn it as adults.
I can already hear the questions:
"But what if something about me really DOES need to change?"
"Are you really trying to say that nothing about who I am is wrong? "
Well the answer to those questions is a complicated one, but its simplest answer is this: There is nothing wrong with you except the belief that there is something wrong with you. But that belief causes a TON of problems and pain in your life and in your interactions with others.
Shame is what makes you react when you later wish you had just listened,
Shame is what makes you say yes, when you could have said no.
Shame is what makes you conform, when your instinct is telling you there is a better way.
Shame is what keeps you considering other's needs as a constant priority over your own
If you want to change the thoughts, feelings, and actions that are causing you pain, you need to go to the root. And the root, as I have come to see it, is shame.
My goal for anyone that I work with is two fold:
1. I want you to know on a deeper level that who you are is GOOD.
2. From that place, I want to help you begin to make the necessary changes you need.
In my work with you, we will explore when the story switched from one of fearless, self-expression to one saturated by stifling shame. We will seek to understand the source of the lies in order to rediscover the truth.
The truth that you are enough. You are lovable. You are good.
My name is Amy Vales
I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
I HIGHLY encourage you to watch the video below before contacting me! It will give you a better sense of whether or not my style and focus is what you're looking for!
Curious to learn more? Check out my blog:
Interested in one-on-one support? Awesome! I'd love to talk to you more about my program for individual counseling! Click on the link below to learn more!
Wanting to bring the fun and intimacy back to your relationship? Me too! I'd love to chat more with you about your hopes for couples work. Click the link below to learn more about my program for couples!
Group work is where SO MUCH of the magic happens. Join one of my groups to go on the shame healing journey in community with other like minded folks. Click the link to learn more about my groups!